You know.. it's weird. This whole love thing. I mean I don't think I've been in love.. I'd prefer to use othere emotions to describe the way I have felt. And now the way I feel, well I'd love to say it's love but I just can't. I hate being hurt. And so, I hate being open. Maybe someone will force me to be open and then I'll know they are the one...? I don't know. I have such a hard time opening up. But I want nothing more than to open up. Maybe he's not the one? Maybe I should try harder? Who is to know? I love. I want so badly to be in the place that I am meant to be. You know what I mean.... Whether it is that older man... or that slightly older man.. or that much older man.. I want to be there. I want to got to school.. but I want him to care for me... ahhhhh it is so hard to explain.. I am soo independent and I won't let a man do a thing for me.. and yet I know the man that does.. and forces me to.. will be the man for me :)